The Tax Man

The Tax Man

In 1966 The Beatles recorded Tax Man on the album Revolver.

If you drive a car, I'll tax the street,
If you try to sit, I'll tax your seat.
If you get too cold I'll tax the heat,
If you take a walk, I'll tax your feet.

I used to work at an accounting firm.  Every year, around this time, we could feel it. The sinking feeling of terror crept up your neck. That demon that rears its head this time of year and devours interns is known as The Tax Season. It’s upon us and that gives us a lot to whine about.

Taxes can be a nightmare and, although a bowl of ice cream and a comedy can ease the stress, you may still find yourself feeling more like the end of a horror film than a romance movie. So how can we find serenity? Well, perhaps instead of whining throughout the process, you can choose to be ‘wining’ and enjoying it through each sip of those fermented grapes.

In 1789, Benjamin Franklin said, “In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.” Perhaps, in the 21st century, we can choose to be certain of wine consumption as well. In fact, many studies have proven that red wine can significantly reduce stress and who needs more information than that when hitting the Wine and Spirits Store?

However, with so many wines out there and so many taxes that pair well with them, how do we find the wine that fits us best and gives us the most “bang” for our post-tax buck? The best way to determine what wine suits you is to determine your price range and choose the one that pairs the best with your tax season stress.

Red Wines

Many clinical studies have shown that red wine can reduce stress and, during this season, what could really be better than that? Also, many red wines, even the cheapest ones, can get you drunker much faster than a white wine and last longer as well. In all honesty, a glass of red wine and time to pet my dogs are pretty much all I want in life on a daily basis, so having an excuse like tax season is great no matter which way you look at it. Still, it can be hard to navigate the hundreds of wines and prices out there effectively.

These next few choices may help you get on the right path and maybe help you to finish those taxes without a care in the world.

Fear No "Taxes Due" Line

Sometimes you just need to treat yourself and buying an expensive red wine can be the perfect way to do this during the tax season. They say democracy is for the rich and, if you’re part of the 1% that finds yourself paying less tax than the average joe, why not take that extra cash and buy a wine that screams class and ‘I may get drunk and sing karaoke all night’ all in one?

2012 Gaja Barbaresco ($199.99) PRODUCT CODE: 000044402

In Piedmont, Italy, winemaker Anthony Gaja has been creating wines that never fail to impress. Made with only Nebbiolo grapes, this wine has the best of the best involved and the aromas of licorice, smoky flavor, high acidity, and strong tannins can leave you wanting another glass and forgetting the pain of taxes in no time.

2012 Spottswoode Cabernet Sauvignon ($171.49) PRODUCT CODE: 000034854

This wine is from the Napa Valley and is a slightly cheaper way to still get your high-class wine without wincing when you put in your credit card information. Despite it being a more modern approach to the traditional techniques used in the wineries of the region, the rich qualities and flavors can still give you that distinct sense of Napa Valley.

I Need a Break

Maybe the tax season hasn’t been too kind to you. If this is the case, there are still plenty of wines that can help you get into the red wine world without breaking your budget in the process. After all, with thousands of Americans filing for bankruptcy and trying to eliminate tax debts in the process, being careful about your spending can significantly increase your chance of not being even more miserable next tax season.

2012 Duckhorn Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon ($71.99) PRODUCT CODE: 000042942

This wine is the poster child of Napa Valley cabernet with aromas of black raspberry, red currant, vanilla bean, and milk chocolate. It is the perfect wine to add to your collection for those particularly stressful days without having to file for Chapter 7 in the process.

2014 Cakebread Cabernet Sauvignon ($79.99) PRODUCT CODE: 000044887

Cakebread Cabernet is definitely worth the eighty bucks. With a silver award from the Decanter World Wine Awards, it’s a delightful wine that truly gets you the most bang for your buck.

2011 Chateau de Beaucastel Rouge ($84.89) PRODUCT CODE: 000545269

Originating from one of the most respected estates in the region, Châteauneuf-du-Pape is a wine name that is highly established and awarded for their traditional wine-making strategies. Run by the Perrin family since the early 1900’s, you can tell just by tasting it that its secrets are wide-span and its flavor, as well as its history, is rich.

I Count Couch Change

So maybe you find yourself eating at your parent’s house more than your own place, doing your laundry in quarter machines, and praying that the tiny tick on your gas tank can get you to work. If that’s your life, don’t worry, there are still plenty of wines to keep you from spending those last precious bucks just to forget your taxes.

NV Lindeman’s Bin 40 Merlot ($3.99) PRODUCT CODE: 000009080

Despite being a cheap wine overall, this red has robust tannins that can make it seem as though you’re drinking a top quality wine but without the price. After all, with the stress of doing your taxes personally, it can often be difficult to put hundreds of dollars into a drink (no matter how good it is), but luckily with the addition of some quality professional tax software and a cheap wine like this, you can kiss that stress goodbye in no time.

NV Esser Vineyards Cabernet Sauvignon ($16.99) PRODUCT CODE: 000569496

This Cabernet is full of very rich, peppery flavors with a price that truly can’t be beat. Most people find themselves wasting money every day on food, gas, and even water when they could be spending all of that money on this wine and enjoying the indoors a bit more in the process (mostly because you won’t have gas). Don’t be like them. Buy the wine and enjoy your freedom and kiss that stress goodbye in no time.

White and Sparkling Wines

White wines are another great alternative to keep in mind this tax season especially if red wine is not for you. White wines have been proven to help achieve weight loss, improve vascular performance, and even make you happier overall which is great when you’re spending most of your time bored and bitter!

Also, the carbon dioxide associated with sparkling white wines and champagnes can actually get you drunker faster due to the increased rate in which the alcohol is absorbed in the blood stream (thank you, science). So, really, the only thing left is to choose the price range that best suits you, buy the bottle, and get to your salvation during the apocalypse immediately.

No Problem, Mon

Okay, so maybe right now you’re not sitting in your bungalow in Mar a Lago, drinking a refreshing summer beverage, waiting for your financial manager to come back from a round of golf, and deciding which granite kitchen countertop best fits your luxurious ski lodge in Vail that you can get installed with the money you have left over from your taxes. Despite that, let’s just pretend you’re stressed out over the tax season and need a sophisticated wine to match your sophisticated style. The question is which wine suits your highly advanced palate? Perhaps one of these three might tickle your fancy.

2006 Veuve Clicquot La Grande Dame Brut ($120) PRODUCT CODE: 000570798

Although this one is champagne, there is much to say about its smooth and silky mouthfeel as well as its unique aromatic aftertaste. This champagne is certainly something worth the talk and guaranteed to make you look like a pro at life any day.

2011 Johann Joseph Prum Wehlener Sonnenuhr Gold Cap Riesling Auslese ($129.49) PRODUCT CODE: 000039931

No one can turn down a good Riesling and this one in particular happens to be very good. Originating in Germany, this delicious wine has a history that matches its complexity. The estate in which the winery originated from has been in the same family since the 1700’s and it’s no surprise that this Riesling has gotten much acclaim for its flavor and its unique background.

I’m a Middle Shelf Kind of Person

Maybe you’re done putting hundreds of your hard-earned bucks into something you can drink in one night and that’s totally understandable. If you spend more time at Walmart than Sur La Table, then maybe this list is the right one for you and won’t break your heart as it hits your account. Who doesn’t like a few extra bills in their wallet while still getting loaded?

2016 Prager Gruner Veltliner Federspiel Hinter Der Burg Niederoesterreich ($30.99)

PRODUCT CODE: 000586104

This delicious wine is a wonderful addition to any wineaux’s list and its complexity coupled with its aromatics is exactly why spending thirty one dollars on it doesn’t seem all that bad. It has a full, light, lemony flavor with just a hint of pepper and arugula (I guess that counts as your salad in, right?).

2016 Hanzell Sebella Chardonnay Sonoma ($34.89) PRODUCT CODE: 000590432

Often, this chardonnay is referred to as the Gold Standard of California Chardonnay due to its lively and vibrant nature as well as its distinct hints of apple and citrus. For anyone looking for a light and fancy chardonnay while wanting to spend less than a hundred dollars, this is the perfect one for you.

The Dollar Store Is More My Style

Who doesn’t want useless garbage for cheap? However, perhaps you’re tired of box wines and making up excuses to go over to your friend’s house to raid their wine cellar and, if so, then maybe these wines can help you get on the path to cheap thrills and the difficulty of a tax season when you know you’re the in the other 99%.

2016 Elsa Bianchi Mendoza Torrontés ($10.99) PRODUCT CODE: 000586741

In the Sub-region of Mendoza, San Rafael, this wine is a star. With its orange blossoms and mineral notes, this wine has both class as well as complexity while still giving you a taste of the region overall.

2014 Place in the Sun Sauvignon Blanc South Africa ($2.95) PRODUCT CODE: 000035011

This weird wine is a wild yeast fermented wine that takes a very modern take on the traditional grape usage that is involved with wine. Let’s just say this wine gets the best of both worlds combining some of the density of a red with the lightness of a good white wine with ease.

This season can seem like a nightmare and sometimes finding hope in all this chaos of being an adult can really be difficult, however grabbing a bottle of good wine, sitting down and taking it one step at a time, and learning to let loose despite it all can be a great way to tackle the Tax Season demon without dying along the way.

Check the blog often for tips, news, and tasting notes!

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