NO MORE MILK AND COOKIES!

10 BEST REASONS TO LEAVE SANTA WINE & CHEESE

Have you ever wondered why people around the world put out milk and cookies for Santa Claus? Your friends at the AWS Pittsburgh Chapter have, because we think Santa deserves much better. This year, do the right thing and put out a little wine and cheese for St. Nick.

The guy has a tough job.

If you just slid down a chimney you’d need a real drink, too, especially if you were wider than the average chimney. When’s the last time you combed ashes out of your beard while sober?

Baby, it’s cold outside.

Nobody comes in from the arctic chill and chugs an ice cold glass of milk. During the winter, milk only belongs in a mug of coffee or hot cocoa. Folk, that sled ain’t heated! If anyone could use a winter warmer, it’s Ole Saint Nick.

Wine & cheese > Milk and cookies.
They say “there’s no use crying over spilt milk” for a reason. It’s just not that good. On the other hand, try spilling somebody’s wine and see how they react.

Santa is trying to lose some weight.
Every year Mr. Claus drinks millions of glasses of milk and eats millions of cookies, and you wonder why he can’t see his Christmas balls? Milk and cookies are all fat and sugar. Wine, on the other hand, is proven to lower cholesterol and the risk of heart disease. Plus, it’s full of vitamins and antioxidants (it is made from grapes after all). Help Santa help himself.

The reindeer do all the driving.

Think about it, Santa has nine designated drivers at his disposal. So they’re deer, so what? We’re not so sure that Blitzen would pass a breathalyzer test, but Dancer and Prancer can pick up his slack. Besides, that shiny-nosed Rudolph has been overcompensating for years now. He has the route memorized.

It’s a long way back to the North Pole.
We’ve all taken one for the road. Let Nick take one for the… sky.

We’re pretty sure he’s been hitting the bottle anyway.

Why do you think his cheeks are always so flushed? Help Santa taper off.

You’ve had enough to drink, haven’t you?

Save that fifth glass for somebody else. Your third run-through of “Bohemian Rhapsody” was evidence enough that it’s time to move into the coffee phase of the evening.

Nobody likes a stingy host!

Santa comes to your house from the North Pole with a sack full of gifts. Is all that you can throw his way some expired 2% from Giant Eagle and broken Chips Ahoy from the bottom of the sleeve? Give the man some wine, and make it the good stuff.

YOU’RE SANTA!

Who is it that really eats those cookies and drinks that milk? Well… whoever it is (it’s you) I’m sure they (you) would prefer some Chianti and a piece of cheese over some cow juice and a cookie. Making life better for Santa makes life better for you. Think about it.

Saint Nick will thank you.